First question, how is the back? Much better, thank you!! It was actually a combo back/hip issue, but both are much better, and I am back to my old self again….but faster and stronger. I can actually skate without pain now. Who knew?
When are you going to Jam a game?When the Browns win the Superbowl. No, really. I actually HAVE jammed in 2 games - once as a Hellbomber in Season Two against the Pinups, and once as an All-Star against the Black-N-Bluegrass Rollergirls of Florence, KY. I actually grand slammed their jammer in that one. I told the All-Stars I would jam if we were ever up by 100 points, and they called my bluff. I have learned to shut my mouth about things like that. If my team needs a ‘bully’ jammer to jam, I will, but don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.
What inspired the name Morbid Cherub? That was actually a screen name of mine for about 3 years before the BRRG ever started up. Alot of people had already known me as Morbid, so I decided to just keep it that way.
What has been your greatest derby moment so far? Winning the Hazard Cup in Season One was the greatest so far. We skated with a roster of 10 all season long, and there were about 4 of us who skated more than 75% of the jams in every bout. I learned endurance the hard way that year. We had already lost to the Hard Knockers twice that season (by a 3 point margin each time) and we worked really hard as a team in the month before the championship. Repeating it the following 2 years has been phenomenal, but nothing can replace the high of that first one - except maybe winning Regionals one day (dare to dream?).
My second greatest moment was my All Star comeback against Brew City. Even though we lost the game, it was great being back on the track with the team.
Is it hard to have to take yourself off All-Star for an injury? It stunk. I missed playing Cincy, I missed ECE last year, and most sucky, I missed participating in Regionals last year. Being taken off the charter absolutely sucked, but it forced me to get my hip and back issue addressed. It took almost 6 months for me to get back to where I was skillwise before my back and hip starting flaring up, and then it took me another 5-6 months to get to where I am now. Even in that depressing situation, everyone on the All Stars was super supportive and played a big role in my improvement. They continue to force me to push my limits and get better.
What was your favorite All-Star bout? I really enjoy playing the higher level teams, so Detroit and Madison were 2 of my favorites. We lost both of those bouts by a good margin, but we learned so much from those teams that the score ended up being a moot point. You don’t get better by playing teams that are on a lower skill level than you. My second favorite All-Star bout was our home bout against Ft. Wayne where we won in overtime. Getting that first WFTDA win was awesome!
Do you enjoy All-Star or Interleague Bouts better?I like them both for different reasons. All-Star bouts are always harder games. You skate faster, work harder, and you aren’t familiar with the other skaters like you are at intra-league bouts, so you really have to be on your game. I love the challenge. I love our Intraleague home bouts because there is nothing like playing in front of your own fans. I like to crack wise on the start line, and you can’t do that as much with people you don’t know from other leagues. No one ever boos me at All-Star bouts though - what’s up with that?
What are your Season 4 goals?To win another Hazard Cup, of course. And it would be great if the league were able to hit a new attendance record before the end of the season. Personally, I am always working to improve my skills.
Who is your favorite person to hit on the track? I don’t know if I really have a favorite person to hit. Vix Smackey and I have had a good time cracking wise while knocking each other around over the last 3 1/2 seasons. Anyone else who gets in my way or screws with my jammer deserves to get hit. I am not sorry.
Talk to us about how the league has changed since you started? The league has evolved with the game. We had a lot more rocker-chick types when we first started up, but as the game has become more sport and less spectacle, the mix of women joining has really grown. The days of being able to look cute in your uniform and fishnets and get by are over. Now you have to bring it every game in order to compete. The league has really gained a lot of respect as a legitimate sport, whereas we used to be thought of as a novelty. It’s been a great experience to be a part of.
Who pushes you the hardest in the league?When I was recovering from my hip and back issues, Mommy’s Little Monster was always good for pushing me through All Star practices when I thought I wouldn’t be able to do any more.
You are always good for one brutal hit (and penalty), why you think that is? I think sometimes refs think that if a hit is really big and brutal looking, it could not have possibly been a clean hit. I’ve seen some of the other big hitters in the league get tagged similarly, so I know it’s not just me or my imagination. That being said, I do not go after people with the intent of hitting them big. I have the advantages of being solid and hard to knock over, so my hitting a smaller person may occasionally cause them to fly into trackside seating, or go airborne. I’m not sorry. I never hit people with the intent of hurting them, and I don’t play dirty.
What is your favorite thing to do, when you are not skating? I read a lot. When it’s nice, I like to go to the park and read in the sun or by the lake. In bad weather, I have been known to spend weekend evenings at Barnes and Noble reading in the cafe. I am a nerd.
What is it like having Quag as your brother?Is this a trick question? He was my brother long before he was Quagmire, though he did choose a pretty fitting name for himself. He is always getting himself in one predicament or another.
How has roller derby changed your life? I used to come home after work and sit in front of the television. I was out of shape, bored, and I had no friends. Now, I am none of those things!
It is not everyday that someone as wonderful as Rainbow Fright crosses your path and brightens your day. As majestic as unicorns and fairy dust, Rainbow fright can brighten a room with her luminous smile. We give thanks to the world for the irth of Rainbow Fright (andto her parents). Hope your day (and rest of week) is filled with all the wonderful and joyous things that you can dream up. Happy Birthday Fright!
BRRG vs Brew City
First off let me just say that the freaking video footage sucked, real bad, I could have did better with my HTC Touch Pro 2. All video footage was extremely choppy and made it very hard to see what was going on, I was back and forth between my flat screen and laptop, both sucked equally.
Now onto the bout; I just did not see this happening, everything played out so differently in my head. I seriously do not remember Brew City being so gigantic! Our biggest problem was not catching their blockers setting picks early enough, or just getting bullied around. Brew City was able to open up the inside line for their jammers all night. Their tail blockers man handled our jammers, and constantly held them up in the back of the pack. Despite all this we still were staying close; when their jammers hit the box, we punished them for it. BY the time we walked into the half we had cut into their lead, and were only shy 16 points. This is where I thought we would regroup, get it figured out, and come back and smash them. But as the second half started out, we broke down. Back to back power jams, put a real hurt on us. From there they just kept pulling away from us, taking lead jam more often, grabbing quick points and pushing us around with ease.
I thank my baby momma Slaughterama for helping me from jumping up and down and cursing so damn much (I didn’t lose my voice) and we chatted in between jams. I just don’t know what happen, on paper we had everything going for us, most everyone was still skating, we had new All-Stars on our roster. But in all this it seemed to lose some of the tight-knit all-star feel that I am use to feeling. In the end, Brew City played an amazing game to which we had no answer for.
BRRG vs. ARRG
This bout I did not really get to watch, my class runs from 1pm to 3pm (when you feel tough, come and put it to the test). So when the bout started I was running from class to office checking on the laptop. Every time I looked at the laptop I shook my head in disbelief, I watched ARRG yesterday and they looked like shit, how are we unable to put points on the board…. GRRRR!! Needles to say I was walking back into my class pretty pissed, good thing I put them through their conditioning first! Each time I would tell WC the score and his face was looked just as stunned as the previous time. I wish I could have watched more of that bout and tell you more, but I had to teach.
I hope we can get this all-star team figured out and back to where I know we should be and fast! You girls are way better than this, I seen you play month after month. We need to become more competitive as a travel team. You need to figure out, what players need to be in what positions to achieve the best results. Stop playing people where they want to be played, and put them where you need them. Better luck next time
This weekend brings one hell of a tournament, Midwest Brewhaha up in Milwakee has some of WFTDA’s heavy hitters. The need for BRRG All-Stars to take home two victories is pivotal in our WFTDA Power Rankings. In our first bout, we face the Brewcity All-Stars who will have a major home court advantage. The last time we played Brewcity, we had a strong lead; many had felt we had the game won, but we got lackadaisical and let the lead slip out of our hands. If this happens again, I will freaking kill somebody!
Brew City All-Stars vs Burning River All-Stars
Looking at both teams line up, it is clear to see that both teams have not lost any of their aces. However, I feel we have extra player cards in our deck. I am so excited to see this bout, I love All-Star bouts, I really wish that I could be there. Knowing that Eva will not be skating this bout saddens me, although I feel this is a great opportunity for some of our other jammers to showcase their skills. I really hope that everyone is on the ball and ready to fight. I see a lot of opportunity for us to use this bout to make a statement. We can beat this team, we will beat this team, actually we will destroy this team. Our jammers are better, our blockers are better, our teamwork is better.
From watching the last game, I remember their defense sucked, they were a fast team, but they just could not stop our jammers. One of our biggest problems was our penalties, especially our jammers. This bout we will have to ensure we stay out of the box, and force them to make penalties. But do not forget, home court advantage could make for hesitant to call penalty refs. Hacksaw and High Voltage are great skaters, do not let them get momentum, shut them down. I am not going to say anything more, you guys know what you need to do, you know who needs to be where. You have all the tools to win this bout, now go do it!
I will post Arch Rival bout tomorrow night, to be honest I am not worried about them either!
In what was the most impressive bout of the season so far, the HellBombers manage to retain their undefeated reign by the narrowest of margins. This bout was one of the lowest scoring bouts that I have ever witnessed as the Bombers scored just three points over the Pinups 47-50. Turn Two was in total amazement, from beginning to end.
To start things off with the first jam, another first Stroker did not get lead jammer and score her usual 8-9 points. Instead Punk’d Pixie pulls lead jam and starts the day off with an 0-3 lead, as a matter-of-fact Pixie managed to score the first 25 points for the Pinups. The excitement never ceased, both teams were were laying it all out on the track. The defensive strategies played by both teams were some of the greatest I have seen, the tail block battles between CoCo, Soulie, Garguilo, and Boots were just down right brutal. Eva Lucien… Hell yeah, welcome back Lil Lady, you were on fire out there! This bout stayed so close the whole game, I was actually shocked at how close it stayed. After half-time I thought the Hellbombers would come out guns blazing and the Pinups would be too fatigued to hang in there. Fortunately, I was way wrong, watching the Pinups stifle jammers like Garguilo, and Stroker I was in awe. Now CoCo Sparx that is a different story, on three separate occasions CoCo Sparx out skated the lead jammer, and forced them to call the jam before it ever hit the pack. Who put the firecracker in CoCo’s ass, that girl was so fast that night. And Garguilo, watching you freak out for a point that you had already received was pretty damn funny, mostly because Scissor-Lick is so un-phased by you women that as a fan you just have to laugh!
Oddly enough I saw some very different player lineups from the Bombers, often seeing Destroya on the pivot line three times in a row. Pivots calling some sort of audible, didn’t seem to work for them, I would just go with what you know. With such as close game, every little mistake can be tragic. In one of the craziest moments Stroker Ace managed to have her jammer pantie inside out on her helmet, for three laps her team tried to get her to flip and she kept adjusting, but that net the Bombers 10 missed points. Stroker never looked so devastated on the bench. Unfortunately that is what happens when you wear the Knockers panties (that sounds dirty). I just want to say thank you to both teams for such an exciting (I lost my voice within the first 15 minutes) and well played game. All that excitement was quickly muffled by the last jam, Boots vs. CoCo Boots seemed to break through the pack first but was just short of the 25 foot rule, as the Bombers managed to get her back towards the pack, CoCo broke out as lead jammer and quickly called the jam.
Before the night started I was making predictions with Ben (part of the turn 2 army) and we agreed that the Steamers were looking strong.
I secretly wanted the Hard Knockers to win and I even found myself cheering for Finnish her from time to time. However, we didn’t know that the Steamers were going to dominate them so badly. The bout started off with a subtle but strong lead by the steamers. It wasn’t long before the lead expanded to a point where it was difficult for the Hard Knockers to catch up. One of the main reasons was the penalties incurred by the Knockers. This not only made their remaining players on the track work harder, but it really hurt their chances to catch up. I saw the jammers and blockers in the box over and over again which obviously didn’t give them an advantage. This also made it easier for the Steamers offense to match their strong defense and rack up major points. I was really impressed with the intensity of both teams out there. It seemed like there were frequent pile ups on every turn. There were people all over the place, the team with the most people standing would come out victorious. There are way too many hits to name but a couple stand out. Killustrator pulled off the most incredible move RE and I have ever seen. She was having a hard time in the pack until she decided to propel herself off Milfinator’s face! I would classify this as being almost as impressive as a leg whip. Mommy’s little monster also took a hard fall toward the end but had a very quick recovery while launching herself ahead of the pack. It didn’t surprise me because Monster told us before the match that she was ready to bring it. This was a clasic battle between a team playing as a team, using proper communication, and just being out there for yourself. Overall with all the great hits and the improved 20ft calls, this match-up was very enjoyable to watch.
Rolling Pinups vs HellBombers
I mean what do you do, your are going up against the toughest team in the league. Triple hazard cup champs, no signs of slowing down, all powerhouses; Pinups welcome welcome to your reality. Personally, I would pull a Tonya Harding on Stroker if I were a Pinup, maybe cling wrap CoCo to a tree, hog-tie Destroya, and lock Gargiulo in a trunk. The Pinups have been some slow starters this year, needing around 6-10 minutes each bout to get in sync on the track. This game you will not have that luxury, in 10 minutes the Bombers can be pull 60 points and leave you at the starting line. You will need to on the ball from the first whistle, do not let the Bombers shake you up, keep moving and keep your eyes open.
Also, I know this is not status-quo for the Pinups (who love to give everyone equal playing time) but shave those a little and play your powerhouses slightly more than usual. If Boots and Soulie are not in the game at least 50% you are setting yourself up for failure. Now if we lace up Eva, then we got a real game here, adding another powerhouse jammer, and one of the best “triple threat” players in the league could put some serious fear in the Bombers confidence. Only time will tell on Eva’s return, turn 2 is patiently waiting. The Pinups have their hardest bout to date this season; their first bout came they came back as the underdogs, the second game they had the rug pulled out from them, and now onto the third. Can the Skeleton crew plagued by injuries take down the beast, or will it be another HellBomber victory, only time can tell. The best thing you can do is try to keep the score close, try to keep Gargiulo, and Stroker off the jam line as much ass possible, and skate like your life depends on it.
Cleveland Steamers vs Hard Knockers
This is the game that will have people out of their seats (mainly me, while getting yelled at from everyone behind me), I expect this bout to be a roller-coaster ride, with the lead going back and forth. Expect some real cut throat, nasty jams in the second half by both sides. In the Steamers last bout I was surprised to see Slammy only jam once, I expected to see her jam more. The Steamers are in need of a stronger offense with the loss of Take-Out, that said their defense… all power! Now the Hard Knockers have no shortage of powerful jammers, I thought with the loss of Cheddar things would go downhill, boy was I wrong. The Knockers have been making major strides this season (don’t let the numbers foo you), this bout could prove to be the pivoting point in the season for them. The Skank, Finnish-Her, Monster trifecta is a hard group to stop, on top of that you throw in Scarrie and now Vendetta two contrasting jammers in their own light it is tough on a team to prepare for that type of change-up. I must say I am surprised as to how little Concrete Blondie is being used, she is quick, powerful, and could even put the star on if need be, I could say the same about Knoxious Mallory as well, use your team effectively, be dynamic in your lineups.
I think what this bout is going to boil down to for both teams is how quickly they can determine what lineups are working for them and which ones are failing. Play your strengths; for the Steamers, your defense has too be impeccable, without your jammers paying the price, Knockers, know which jammers are on point and which are struggling, watch your penalties, and ensure you are breaking on walls.
I love you all and hope for some explosive derby action this Saturday. Everyone be safe, put in a 100%, and kick some ass out there!
Any individuals who were fortunate enough to read the Hellbombers discussion page, on their Facebook profile were delighted to see this song below:
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
I wanna hold em’ like they do in Derby plays
Hold em’ let em’ hit me block it baby stay with me (I love it)
Skill and intuition play the game with Ace to start
And after she’s been hooked I’ll play the one that’s on her heart
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I’ll get her hot, show her what I’ve got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I’ll get her hot, show her what I’ve got
Can’t read my,
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
I wanna roll with her a hard pair we will be
A little blocking is fun when you’re with me (I love it)
Defensive jamming is not the same without you hun
And baby when it’s derby if it’s not rough it isn’t fun, fun
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I’ll get her hot, show her what I’ve got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I’ll get her hot, show her what I’ve got
Can’t read my,
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
I won’t tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I’m hittin’ with my kitten
I’m not lying I’m just a wonder’ with my sweet red thunder
Just like a chick in derby finals
Take your points before I hit you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this jam cause I’m marvelous
Can’t read my,
Can’t read my
No he can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my,
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my,
Can’t read my
Nos he can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my
Can’t read my
No she can’t read my Stroker face
(She’s got to love nobody)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s-stroker face, s-s-stroker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
I knew about the league when it was forming and I wanted to join. At the time, I was dating a guy who thought derby was “weird” and convinced me not to join. I wish I could bump into that guy today and kick him with my skates on. Skip forward a year and a half and life brings me a new job and Pain Austen. She convinced me to join BRRG.
My first year of derby was the hardest. I had so much to learn and all my free time managed to be consumed by derby. I compare it to joining a cult, but fellow skaters always cringe when I say that. A few times during the first season I thought to myself, ‘what the hell am I doing? I am 33, I haven’t played sports in 16 years, and now I am doing something that could break my legs.’
Second year was a tad easier – at least the skating part. I volunteered for Bout Production and learned it was possible for derby to take up even more of your life. Juggling a job, a dog, a house, practices, and making sure every bout went on without a noticeable hitch, was stressful. I learned something very important that season: You can’t please everyone.
Now in my third season, derby has taken a whole new role. As a skater, I rack my brain on strategy and improving my footwork. As president, I spend countless hours on derby – answering emails, meetings, phone calls, paperwork. I work hard to be supportive of other board members as I know what a tough job we all have. Being president is a mentally and emotionally exhausting job. I volunteered because I wanted to help BRRG succeed. I can only hope that is my legacy.
So after all of this, what does derby mean to me? It means pushing myself in ways I normally wouldn’t – like shaking my fear of performing in front of a crowd, making myself skate or workout when I’d rather be home reading a book. It means accepting that I can’t please everyone and all I can do is my best. It means taking constructive criticism and accepting it for what it is. It means letting negativity roll off my back, which is never easy. It means making lifelong friends and being a true friend. It means building someone up when it would be easier to knock them down. Mostly, it means working every day to be a better president, skater, teammate, league-mate, and person. Sometimes I fall down and thankfully many of my fellow skaters have been there to pick me up.
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