After a couple extraordinary season opening matches, it’s time for the second round everyone!  Turn two is looking forward to the new match-ups this month. It should be interesting to see if the teams made any improvements after the first bout. I happened to enjoy watching the carnage and the injuries incurred by multiple players.  I hope you had your ankle looked at Dita! The last game the Hellbombers barely made it past the Steamers, and the Knockers barely survived against the Pin ups.

The match-ups are setup this month so that the Pin ups will take on the Hellbombers, and the Knockers will take on the Steamers.  It should be very exciting to see the Bombers take on the Pinups.  It’s either going to be a blowout like last month or a very close game like the end of last year! The bombers are lacking in the jamming department so hopefully they will adjust.  The pinups are too but did such an incredible job utilizing their players vs. the knockers. I’m expecting to see a fast paced game with plenty of action.  I hope the bombers can keep a nice strong pack in place to give the powerful pin up jammers a run for their money.  Coco should keep her taunting to a minimum because the pinups looked really impressive in the season opener. I hope Destroya has been practicing a better game plan other than forcing back block penalties on players (although it was a beautiful thing). Eva, Pixie, Ajennda weren’t messing around last month and will probably bring the same fire onto the track.

In the second bout, the knockers have a lot to prove.  I really hope they have been practicing because it was hard to watch the blowout vs the pinups.  Teamwork is a huge issue, at least when looking in on the team from turn 2.  The talent is there but everyone needs to get in sync with one another.  It won’t get any easier because the Steamers were tough on the bombers. I’ll leave it short for this preview because it will likely be a close game.

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As I’m writing this bout recap outside on a patio in California, it’s
about 70 and sunny! I would like to thank everyone for allowing me an
enjoyable plane ride without bruises on my ass cheeks. I had much to
think about on the many planes that brought me out here.  The
atmosphere was different for turn 2 due all the new faces and talent.
I could tell that the rookies had been practicing but still have some
key things to improve on.  The injuries were insane and I was having
nightmares about dita von b’s nasty ankle injury.

In the first bout, the Hellbombers took on the Cleveland Steamers.
The Steamers quickly gained a small lead but lost it within a few
jams.  Both teams seemed to struggle in keeping their packs together
and it was evident by the back and forth score. From the start, I
could tell the Steamers had been practicing and I could also tell that
the Bombers were a little weakened from losing two powerful jammers
(Storker and Bitter). I was happy to see the Eduskater rose to the
challenge and did a tremendous job jamming throughout the bout.  By
the end of the first half, the Steamers led the Bombers with a score
of 35-36.  The second half started the same as the first with scoring
going back and forth.  Coco was being crazy on the track with her
usual taunting. Halochic and Morbid were wrecking skaters left and
right.  Destroya forced Buddalicious into a back block penalty that
sent her to the bench. This reversed the power jam opportunity in
favor of the Bombers which likely aided in their victory.  The final
score was 87-84, Hellbombers.  I wasn’t impressed with either teams
performance but considering both teams lost key elements, I wasn’t
surprised.

The second bout was between the 2010 season champs (The Rolling Pin
Ups) and the Hardknockers.  The Hardknockers also lost some key
elements but I was pleased to see Veruca Salty rising up as a key
player.  The bout kicked off with the rolling pin up jammers
relentlessly ripping through the pack.  It seemed like there was an
immediate score of 30-0 and I couldn’t believe how easily the pin ups
were scoring points! Pixie, Eva, Agenda, were on fire all night.  The
Hardknockers kept fighting all night but couldn’t seem to catch up.
By the half, the score was 75-20.  It was weird to see takeout in pink
but she did a hell of a job considering it was her first time jamming
with a new team. I think everyone needs to practice better teamwork
especially with the new players. Once this gets handled, there are
some new players on the Hardknockers that will do some damage. There
were some silly mistakes witnessed by turn 2 like when Monster decided
to keep skating around without calling off a jam.  Turn 2 was really
sad to hear about Finnish-her’s injury. We wish you a speedy recovery.

A few other things:
The added time per half should be an interesting factor this year.
Teams will have to play smarter but will also be able to take
advantage of more opportunities.  Also, turn 2 was looking slick that
night (pardon the pun) after witnessing many players falling down.
Marion Razorwound must have fallen 5 times! Lastly, the refs need to
get their heads out of their asses and start paying attention the the
jammers! The first bout was atrocious. Overall we were excited to see
some derby.

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This year at the Wolstein Center, Black and Blue 5 packed the arena!
It was exciting to see that the league chose The Cleveland Animal Protective League to receive the benefits.  It’s been way to long since the last bout so Turn Two was definitely ready to witness some carnage. Rainbow Fright started the night by singing the Star Spangled Banner.  Rainbow Fright has one hell of a voice!  The lineups were stacked and Turn Two was expecting a close bout.  In the first half, the Black Alley Cats took a quick lead over the Blue Bloodhounds.
Turn Two knew it wouldn’t be that easy and shortly after, we started to see what team blue was made of.  The jammers were evenly matched throughout the first half until Eva Lucien plowed through the pack over and over again.  This put team blue further into the lead until team black struck back with some great jams.  Jams from Punk’d Pixie, Ivanna Destroya, Soul Eater, and Buddhalicious closed the gap making the half time score 60-57 team blue.
The second half was exciting but it wasn’t as close as the first one.
Team blue was very overpowering in this half which brought team black to their knees.  Turn two was disappointed to see team black stop doing what worked for them in the first half.  A timeout was called during the second half which caused team black to pick up the pace but it was too late.  CoCo Sparx, Eva, Take out, and Killustrator were smart on the jam line which prevented team black to close the gap again.  With excellent tail blocking, team blue held their own. During this time, team black suffered some major penalties which also could have made a difference.  It’s really hard to score points under a power jam situation.  With a final score of 120-95, the blue bloodhounds were victorious.
This was one of the most exciting bouts Turn Two has ever seen!  We thought it was amazing that the first half was so competitive.  Team black would gain the lead and soon after team blue would be right back on top.  It was also nice to see Destroya do some jamming!  It will be an interesting season if this keeps up.  At the beginning of the bout we felt that the refs could have done a better job with some of the calls.  Win or lose, both teams did excellent in our opinion and were able to benefit a great charity.

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Before the night started I was making predictions with Ben (part of the turn 2 army) and we agreed that the Steamers were looking strong.
I secretly wanted the Hard Knockers to win and I even found myself cheering for Finnish her from time to time.  However, we didn’t know that the Steamers were going to dominate them so badly.  The bout started off with a subtle but strong lead by the steamers.  It wasn’t long before the lead expanded to a point where it was difficult for the Hard Knockers to catch up.  One of the main reasons was the penalties incurred by the Knockers.  This not only made their remaining players on the track work harder, but it really hurt their chances to catch up.  I saw the jammers and blockers in the box over and over again which obviously didn’t give them an advantage.  This also made it easier for the Steamers offense to match their strong defense and rack up major points.  I was really impressed with the intensity of both teams out there. It seemed like there were frequent pile ups on every turn. There were people all over the place, the team with the most people standing would come out victorious. There are way too many hits to name but a couple stand out.  Killustrator pulled off the most incredible move RE and I have ever seen.  She was having a hard time in the pack until she decided to propel herself off Milfinator’s face!  I would classify this as being almost as impressive as a leg whip.  Mommy’s little monster also took a hard fall toward the end but had a very quick recovery while launching herself ahead of the pack.  It didn’t surprise me because Monster told us before the match that she was ready to bring it. This was a clasic battle between a team playing as a team, using proper communication, and just being out there for yourself. Overall with all the great hits and the improved 20ft calls, this match-up was very enjoyable to watch.

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Pain Austen, you no longer need to hit the refresh button! Before I get into the brutality, I want to say how much fun I had!  RE and I were starting to go crazy without some derby to watch. He had a better seat by the blue team and I was glad to see him coach them to victory.  I thought it was awesome that this bout supported charities like toys for tots and coats for kids. I would also like to thank the marines for coming out and obviously enjoying themselves. At times they were screaming louder than the players.  When I looked at the rosters, I really didn’t know who was going to take the victory. This bout left heads turning, bodies leaning, and mouths screaming!
The bout had a strong start from team black. The way they were skating, I knew right away that team blue had a lot of work to do. At midpoint through the first half, team blue started to make its comeback with Ivanna Destroya and Stroker Ace scoring an insane amount of points. Killustrator did an awesome job playing all kinds of different positions! Team blue scored so many points from passing black players in the penalty box. This killed team black and by half time, team blue was ahead 55 -36.
Half time proved to be entertaining as usual. A round of musical chairs on skates will always leave smiles on faces. Recent friends became enemies and some of those enemies became murderers.  I was very disappointed to see Mad Chatter leave because I had money on her.  Magic Lee and I picked number 12 at that point and she proved to be victorious. The fresh meat this year looked feisty but we shall see how they play with the teams!
The second half was breathtaking indeed. Ida Bitter, CoCo Sparks, Finnish-Her, Punk’d Pixie, Skank Williams are a few to mention. I was very impressed by Skank Williams and Punk’d Pixie on the jam line. They made short work of the wall setup by team blue. I thought both teams did a very good job keeping the blockers in line. Halochic always does a great job in the pack but she must have been extremely angry Saturday night. I’ve never seen her lay out so many skaters. I’m sure Pretty Scarrie feels differently, but it was exciting to see her upside down due to a tremendous hit from Halo. The pivots did a very good job speeding up and slowing down the pack. The teams took full advantage of this strategy which in my opinion, kept the scores close. The tables were turned at the end of the bout with many penalties from team blue, and team black caught up. I’m just glad our poll happened to be right on the money with the final score 89 – 90 BLUE! You sure don’t see that every day!
I would also like to say congratulations to Dita Von B for hitting someone else and to the sign guy for showing up. Sign guy, I can see your leave of absence left your signs in a pitiful state but I can’t wait to see what you bring to the 2010 season!

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I don’t even know where to begin after witnessing this past bout. In the first matchup, the undefeated Hellbombers were taking on the Defeated Hardknockers. The first few minutes set the standard of how the match played on. CoCo Sparx ended a very nice jam by slamming into Check Republic. Unfortunately Check was hit in a vulnerable spot that removed her from the game temporarily. The rest of the bout basically illustrated how many circles the Hellbombers could make around the Hardknockers. A couple out of control jams that stuck out were from Ida Bitter and Stroker Ace. I still don’t understand how they weave in and out so well. Stroker says to watch the hips and apparently it works for her! It was nice to see Ivanna get in there and do some work as well. From the Hardknockers, Pretty Scarrie was successful getting through the Hellbomber wall several times. By half time the score was 76-9 in favor of the Hellbombers. Toward the end I could see Finnish-Her starting to get a little fired up but by then the Knockers were down by too many. The Bombers backed off a bit in the end and I was very excited to see appearances from Damegerous, and the featured Hellbomber of the month, Slaughterama Mama aka “Sammich”. With a final score of 116-55, the Hellbombers once again secured a spot in the championship match!

This next match is the one I’ve been waiting for. I thought it was going to be close but didn’t expect it to be as ridiculous as it was. The jammer lineup was evenly matched with Professor Booty, Eva Lucien, and Punkd Pixie from the pinups going up against Primp Daddy, Take-Out, and the KILLUSTRATOR from the steamers. Even though the pinups were skating with only 9, they looked ready to roll! I was literally on the edge of my seat for the entire bout. Pretty Scarrie recently stated in an interview that Professor Booty is RELENTLESS and she certainly lived up to that reputation in this match. By halftime the Steamers pulled ahead from 37-37 to 41-37.
The second half was just as intense. The knee injury that Margarita Mayhem incurred started to take its toll. I could see the pain behind her eyes but she continued to give it her all and clearly helped out her team to the best of her ability. The jams seemed faster and the hits seemed harder. There was also another great hit in front of turn 2 from Halochic. She picked up the split and both pins went down at the same time! When Shocker reads this I would love to hear some input. The Steamers did a great job with blocking and it was exciting to see Stealth Bomber back in the lineup. The Pinups also did a great job with keeping their blockers at the front which made it easier for their jammers to break through. With only a couple minutes remaining, the score was extremely close but the Pinups were in the lead. There was time for 1 more jam and unfortunately 2 pinups were put in the penalty box. This obviously made it easy for the Steamers to capitalize. When I saw the Killustrator my heart skipped a beat and I knew the Pinups had a serious problem to deal with. Even with the quickness of Punkd Pixie, it looked nearly impossible for 2 lonely pinups to help her though the fortified wall of Steamers. It didn’t take long for the Killustrator to blow through the pack and score enough points to put up a final score of 78-76 in favor of the Steamers.

I was very happy to see my cousin Shannon watch her first bout from turn 2. She was very impressed and now I don’t have to hear anymore nonsense about derby being fake! I would have liked to see the Bombers take on the “healthy” Pinups but the Steamers deserve the challenge. I’m going to have to replace the nickname “rook” for the Killustrator to something more fitting. If anyone has any ideas let me know. Turn 2 is very excited for the upcoming July Championship bout. Who knows, if Finnish-Her ends up making me my shirt, everyone might see WC pretty in pink!

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Derby Name: Stroker Ace

Number: 6UL DV8

Team(s): The Hellbombers and the Burning River All Stars

Position(s): A little bit of everything

What was the inspiration behind your name? Stroker Ace, the movie and the Charlie Daniels Band song.

How did you learn of the league? This whole roller-skating thing is Professor Booty’s fault!

What do you hope to accomplish in the realm of roller derby? I just wanna skate good.

What skates are you currently using? A custom Reidell 595 boot with a Reactor plate.  The break-in period is hell but they hold up really well, which is important since I tend to be hard on my equipment.

What has been your greatest achievement in Derby so far? Probably this will sound a little goofy but it’s really been great to be part of the transition from derby as individuals trying to beat the snot out of each other to derby as a real team sport.

Does it make you mad that some people think Derby is fake? I invite those folks to step out on the track and give jamming a try!  Really, this sport is all about the fans and our fans know the truth.  Folks who think derby is fake clearly have not attended our bouts and really should take the time to come check it out.

What does your training consist of? I go for the occasional run, lift the occasional weight, kayak, snowboard, bike, make love, turn cartwheels, and nap in my hammock.

How does cross training help your derby skills? After running with the bulls in Pamplona, jamming isn’t nearly as intimidating.

Have you ever been injured due to roller derby? Nothing severe enough to land me in an emergency room.  I did bruise the heck out of my elbow once in a post bout wrestling match with Vix Smackey and another time the lovely Eva Lucien scuffed my ego up a little but overall, I think I’ve been very lucky.

What do you often eat for your breakfast? Anything I’m in the mood for but on bout days I go with pasta and Pedialite.

Do you have a signature derby move? Clearly you’ve never been Strokered.

If you could meet anyone (dead or alive) who would it be and why? Steve Nash.  Everyone should be a Steve Nash fan.

What are your thoughts/feelings on the new venue? It’s all about the fans so my only concern is whether we have adequate bleachers to allow all those screaming fans a proper view of our bouts.

How has roller derby changed your life? You do know Soul Eater and I met because of roller derby, right?

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When Turn 2 was collaborating about the 2 match ups, we thought that both bouts were going to be very close. The Hellbombers were going into the first bout undefeated like usual against the aggressive Cleveland Steamers. Even though I missed a bout in April, I could not forget the aggressive behavior the Steamers had shown in March. Were the Steamers intimidated? Were the Hellbombers overconfident? We were soon to find out.

Let’s get started with the first bout, the Cleveland Steamers vs the Hellbombers. There was a point during the madness when I thought I was actually in a horror movie after witnessing all the cutting. Between the track cutting and the rest of the penalties, the overall performance of the Steamers was greatly reduced. I don’t think I have ever seen that many penalties in such a short amount of time. The bout started off alright until the Hellbombers started pulling ahead. The record breaking jam finished by the one and only Ida Bitter definitely destroyed any gap that might have existed. I’m sure that in the next bout, Bitter might stop toying around and just jump over the entire pack! Every jam added more fuel to the out of control fire created by the Hellbombers until the Bombers were soaring in the triple digits. On the Steamers, Primp Daddy did an exceptional job but grew tired after battling continuously against the wall the Hellbombers held. Killustrator and Take-out did very well again but were also ineffective against the Hellbombers defense. Personally I was very impressed with Killustrator in the end. She continued give it her all even though the Steamers were down by more than 50 points. Holly Huntress was also a pleasant surprise after seeing her do a good job jamming at the end of the bout. Last but not least, lets not forget the incredible hit directly in front of Turn 2. All of the sudden out of nowhere, Ivanna Destroya was seen in shambles all over the track after hard hitting Halochic did her thing. We wanted to go out and help clean Ivanna off the track but she ended up pulling herself back together. In the end the final score was 114 to 44 and Turn 2 was a bit surprised to say the least. If only Dita Von B would have hit one more person…

In the second bout, the Pinups and Hard Knockers started off at an even pace. At this point we guessed that this bout was going to come down to every last point. After watching Captain Monster on the sidelines doing jumping jacks on her skates, we thought the Knockers might have a slight edge on the Pinups. With Captain monster up against Punk’d Pixie and Eva Lucien up against Pretty Scarrie, all hell was breaking loose. The half time score was tied which made it almost impossible to wait until the second half. Both teams seemed to be back and forth all throughout the second half until the end approached. The score was in the Pinups favor but there was still time for one last jam. Finnish-her was put in to go up against Professor Booty. Nobody was sure what happened but Finnish-her (can somebody please stop this girl!?!) had an extraordinary jam which tied up the score at 60-60. Everyone was arguing that the Pinups should have won by 2 but the refs probably wanted to see the hard knockers take a little more abuse. In overtime, Eva Lucien came out blazing, while the Knockers jammer was stuck in the box, and the Pinups triumph again.

There was only one disappointment and that was with the sign guys. We are thinking about putting together a search and rescue team soon so if there are any volunteers, contact us right away. Turn 2 had another amazing time watching both bouts and cannot wait until the June 20th semifinals.

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