For many years, the world of Sk8intheFace has lived completely on the shoulders of Turn Two Boy, R.E. I am happy to say that going forward I will contributing be my two cents to the readers. A little background on me… For years, R.E. has been hounding me to come to a bout. Raving about how wonderful Derby and BRRG is. After much procrastination, I finally made my first bout last year and I have been hooked since. I started this year off right, sitting with my friends at Turn Two and plan to continue this throughout the rest of the season. I am counting down to April 3rd and cannot wait to see such another awesome evening of derby bouts. And to get the record straight right away: My name is Chris, I will cheer for every team, but when it comes down to it… I’m a Steamers fan at heart.

Magic Lee Malicious – 2008 & 2009 Cougar of the year, first seducer of WC, and a dear friend of Turn 2. Having the pleasure of Magic’s company on a trip down to Fart Wayne, I learned a lot about Magic, her likes, dislikes, her passion (derby), and her best friend (Colby).  It was in that trip that I realized just how amazing a person Magic is, I only knew her as the partying Hellbomber, it wasn’t till that trip I learned so much about the character that makes Magic Lee Malicious who she is. Magic is a special girl to Turn 2, most importantly from her PIMP status as the only girl who pulled off the task of accompanying both Turn 2 Boys to the ’08 banquet.

Magic is the type of girl who would give  her left arm to you if she could, her ability to put so many before her is unfathomable. Turn 2 is proud to call Magic a dear friend, we have had many laughs together, unfortunately since she has brought on many extra tasks with the league we do not hear from her as much.

Rocking the Purple Horseshoe, and skating on the most feared team in the league, Magic still is a very humble person. She is proud of her accomplishments, and continues to strive for excellence on the track. Bu don’t be fooled, Magic can get as crazy as the next one; if it is not tackling people at the Garage, licking Turn 2 faces, or forcing a WC motor-boating, then it is some crazy other new stunt for the day, but that is why we love you. Enjoy your day Magic, and don’t worry, Turn 2 will find you Saturday for your birthday spankins!

Turn 2 is happy to express our love for the Burning River Roller Girls and their success over these past 4 years.

Since my first bout Sunday April 6th 2008, I have seen this league grow in leaps and bounds; from the quaint North Olmstead Soccer Sportsplex, to the massive “Wolstein Center” right in the heart of Cleveland. I have enjoyed the view from Turn 2 as the level of game play has picked up with strong rookies stepping up, and veterans who have push themselves harder than ever before. It is amazing to look back and think how far this sport has come, I thank everyone who has poured their heart and soul into a sport that nothing short of beautiful. In the past 3 years since I first viewed a bout, I have made some incredible friendships that I deeply adore; thank you for your love, support, laughs, advice, and most importantly your dedication.

Everyone should be proud of their achievements, and contributions to the league.

HAPPY FOURTH ANNIVERSARY!!

mor·bid – suggesting an unhealthy mental state or attitude; unwholesomely gloomy, sensitive, extreme, etc.

cher·ub – a member of the second order of angels, often represented as a beautiful rosy-cheeked child with wings.

Morbid Cherub – One of the most fierce Hellbombers, the one you do not want to meet in a dark alley way (or try to pass on the flat track). A hard shell wraps her warm heart, and her infectious laugh warms your soul. May you birthday be filled with laughs, happiness, friends, and excitement.

Happy Birthday Morbid Cherub!

Happy Birthday Stroker Ace!!

Turn 2 is blessed to call you a friend, WC and I love you to pieces;  we hope you have a fantastic birthday. Last year on your birthday I was in a hotel looking down at the parade and there you go gliding down the street hanging on to a FireTruck, on your skates! I hope your birthday is equally as fun this year!

Anyone that sees Stroker today, please be sure to tell her that you are her twin sister “Spanker Ace”, and do not forget to dish out some birthday spankings!

She was a real hot shot and she bragged a lot
On skates, that girl could fly
Cause she loved the feel of her quad wheels and the girls with the bedroom eyes
And on Derby night or a bar room fight
Old Stroker stole the show
A back street blazer and a real hell raiser and a flat-track Romeo!

This is a mad dash of thoughts from Saturdays Bout in perfect order of my disorganized brain.

Wow, this is for real, Wolstein Center, oh crap 10 bucks to park, look for better spot.
Ahhh 6 dollar parking garage right next door, that is nice!
Man there sure are a lot of people pouring into here!
Ok how the heck do I get down to the ground floor, ah small maze, I love mazes!
Oh no! My seat! Umm you don’t mind if I just nudge this over just a little bit, just a little bit more, just a touch more, ok thank you!
Sweet, this is the number one crash location, I sure do miss the 8 foot borders though.
Wow I wanted to say hi to Rev. and just hugged like 10 people on the way, man do I love roller derby!
WC is here, all is safe in the world now (He is my wife remember)!
Hey funny looking guy in the blue shirt, I NEED A PROGRAM!!!
Merch Table sold out of a lot of stuff, this is serious!
Damn, that girl can sing!
Bout one lets get it started!
Who the heck is that, wow I need learn the freshies names.
Ok boo Finnish-HER during the demo, just cuz it will be funny.
The Knockers are totally working the Pinups, I did not see this coming!
Hey Finnish-HER just said some really mean stuff, but I am not sure what she said, ah no worries.
Holy Crap Soulie has gotten really fast, she is hot on Scarries heels!
Ouch, helmet cover on the ground, that is going to hurt.
Man, everyone watching this has got to be glued!
Blockers, do you have no clue where the jammer is!?!?
Did I just get flipped off!?!? Pact broken… booo!!!
Pinups have some new life after halftime.
Where is my interview Skank!?!?!
Punk’d Pixie is doing great today!
Man I should have not said that stuff about Finnish-Her, she is jamming like there is no tomorrow!
My voice is already gone!
Hidden Ajenda has some much welcomed speed.
Monster your helmet cover again! Hey don’t touch that ref, PUT IT DOWN!
Oh my God this is soo close!
Pinups have taken the lead, WOW!
Boots no! How many times do I have to tell you “if my finger is swirling, hands off those hips”!
Punk’d Pixie again…. DAMN!
The Pinups won, did this really just go down like that! That was AMAZING!
I love high Five’s at the end!
I remember these break dancers last time they did way better, are they the same group!?
There should have been turtle races going on too, even though I always lose money on them!
Ah Gatorade, thanks WC I love you!
Some of my voice back, save it for the bout.
Alright, bout number 2!
Wow, the bombers look tough warming up.
Oop, Killy does not care she is skating right up and in there!
Blue and Gold, this is going to take some getting used to!
The S.S. Steamy wow, I am at a loss for words right now.
Ok, it really is funny with Cap and Ass Cap skiing in the back!
Are the Hellbombers fist pumping?!?!
Yep, they def. are fist pumping!!!
Alright lets see some action.
Wow, Stroker just scored 9 and didn’t turn up the heat, that is scary!
Ok this is becoming painful to watch!
Yeah I know your bored but it is not my fault CoCo spikes her teams drinks with Gun Powder.
Damn, even their rookies look tough!
Ok Steamers got there first points on the board and don’t get them all, that sux!
X-Tron-X just hooked me up with a set of the 2010 League Player Cards, how cool is she!
Hi 5, nope you will Always be Slammy to me!
Do Take-Outs Wheels light up?
Aww sitting with Soulie watching some lil 5 year old kid tell her how much he likes her and wants a High 5 = Priceless
CoCo cleverly waits to go into the penalty box!
Halochic is out there playing rock em’ sock em’ robots with anyone near her!
Olive Bruises just passed the Star to Destroya, well done!
Steamers are working hard to get some points get some points on the board!
coco working with a rookie on the track, HOLY SHIT X-RATED just creamed that girl!
CoCo retaliates and is sent to the box for hitting (I mean blocking) out of bounds.
Take-Out is about to get lead jammer, Stroker Ace out of nowhere plants her on her ass.
Someone just slid into us, sure do miss the days when I would get completely trampled!
Still trying to get used to the blue and gold
Go Killy, non-stop no matter what, this is why I love derby!
“Yours is a fascinating tribe… defiant even in the face of annihilation.” Movie quote!
Stroker Ace is playing with the Steamers jammer like a great white shark toys with a sea otter, I love jammer on jammer action!
Bout is over, I need to pee!
Head to the car then to the after-party!
20 minutes into the after-party, I am hot and sweaty, in this tiny lil venue its loud packed and I don’t know anyone.
Off to the Garage, I just want an ice cold Guiness.
Chat it up with a few Knockers, and buy Finnish-HER a Lambic because I feel bad.
Call it a night, I need to step my party game back up.

OK lets get down to business, I have a lot of excitement inside of my body and it needs to leak into this keyboard. All you perverts can stop with those nasty thoughts now. I do not feel like doing a bout recap today, you know what you did and what you didn’t do so lets leave it at that for the day.

The Wolstein Center was insane, I do not think I was able to take in the massive beauty in the venue from Black and Blue. The place was huge, sitting in my seat and looking around I was shocked by looking around and seeing people everywhere! Of course I was reminded by Eva’s pessimism in her interview about the venue; higher price for food and beverages, paying for parking, higher ticket prices (which I don’t mind if the money was going to the league, not Ticketmaster) which I could not see at that time. I am not sure how many people were at this bout (please let me know) but I am pretty sure that they would not have fit into the SportsPlex. Actually I was pretty bummed that I did not have my Turn 2 spot, I had to squeeze into a spot which was scary to think if I would not have been track-side Turn Two.

When I couldn’t get that funny looking guy in the blue shirt to sell me a program, I headed to the merch booth. Holy Crap, it is packed and the bout is soon to start, OK I will cut someone off (its just the jammer in me). Hearing multiple individuals asking for shirts and hoodies that were unavailable in their sizes, shows that there must have been a huge rush for merchandise, even I tried to buy a shirt in large, and will have to wait till next bout as it was out. I didn’t get to check out the Fan booth, but it sounded like it was pretty fun, I have saw some silly pics from the area, and I am sad that I did not make it over there.

Thinking about the pre-bout video I was happy to see the instructional video helping first timers to understand the chaos. It was classy and well done, I am not sure who created it but job well done.

Onto the bouts, like I said I am not doing recaps, but I do want to talk about some interesting facts. Referees, I can say this one hundred times but I do not see a change in sight. You need to step up and do your job. It is a shame to think that a couple points missed could change the outcome of a game. I know it is hard to catch everything, as I miss a lot as well. However, I am not a ref, it is not my job, its yours. I have spoken personally with refs, and stated to them hey did you not just see that? I have been replied “yeah but what can I do?”. Maybe I do not understand the job of the outside refs, but if they are not there to call fouls, what are they there for? I noticed times where Knockers were not awarded points, Pinups were jipped points, I screamed as Rainbow Fright passed Ida Bitter four times as the lead Jammer, to fighting to get to the front of the pack only to receive 5 points. I’ve seen countless fouls by countless skaters. But on the flip-side of the coin, this is partly whats adds to the excitement of derby, the ability to be dirty and get away with it, there are leagues known for it. These are elements that keep fans coming back, the drama, “My team would have won if that stupid ref would have saw that cutting of the track”. So if you want to be sure of a victory, blow the other team out of the water.

After the bouts we headed to the After-Party at Peabody’s and I remember thinking during the bout, well if they open the upstairs they may have enough space. Then I came to the realization that it was only the upstairs, you have got to be kidding me. We were upstairs the place was packed and none of my friends were there. I couldn’t take anymore of the hot stuffy tiny venue and headed to the Garage, where I spent the evening some people that I have been very harsh on and was happy to take some back fire for my fierce tongue.

And now for the ugly part….
I have been sugar coating and pussy footing around on sk8intheface for awhile and I have not been happy with the work that I have been producing. Well, those days have ended, I am bringing it back to my original ideas of why I created this sight. I want to say how I feel, I want to hear back from you that I am full of shit or I am dead on accurate. I want to express the Turn 2 Boys feelings as they are, not as you want them to be.

Finally, after months and months of waiting, derby is back and I could not be more excited. I have spoken with many skaters about the diligent training they have put in, the cross-training, the dieting, the preparations, and the sacrifices made, all for the sport they love, the sport I love, Roller Derby! I am curious to see just how many skaters have stepped their game up. More importantly, I am eager to see what teams have stepped up their level of game-play. It is important to know your team, your strengths, your weaknesses, your limitations, your strategy to victory. Every team walks into Saturday Night with the same record. Two Teams will emerge victorious, has your team put in the necessary work? Are you confident that your team mates have gave their all to ensure victory. If you are reading this and your are saying, “I wish I would have did more, I wish I could put in more time and energy” its too late. And as my Grams would always say “It’s time to put up or shut up”.

First Bout:    Rolling Pin-Ups Vs. The Hard Knockers

I expect this to be a cut-throat bout from the first whistle blow to the very end. Both teams are hurting to release some aggression on their worthy adversaries. It used to be Hellbombers and Hard Knockers were bitter rivals but, after last year’s finals, I would say Pinups and Knockers are new arch rivals. Rolling Pinups skated with quite the short stack last year, and this bout last I heard Eva Lucien will not be skating. That is a huge loss for this bout, Eva is a powerhouse no matter what position she plays. However, I have heard great things about the Pinups new fresh-meat, let me just say “I hope you bring the hype I hear about you”. The Pinups have grown on me more than any other team, I love the Pinups be sure of that. I first want to say thank you for all your love and support on sk8intheface and to me personally, and thank you for the invite to watch your photo shoot, and out to lunch with you after-wards. I couldn’t have been more pleased.
The Hard Knockers however are fighters, no matter the point spread never count these women out! This team has some tough-as-nails leaders in their corner who have achieve much respect from me. I know they can be tough on their team, but only for the fact that they wish to see each individual achieve their personal best. After bench managing for the Blue team at black and blue, I really got to see just how intelligent of a skater Concrete Blondie truly is. She shocked me more than any other skater that day, I apologize that I have ever second-guessed you. The Hard Knockers have some great jammers, I hope to see one in particular (no names, Finnish-HER)learn to use the inside to pass more often. However, I have a slightly bad taste in my mouth towards the Knockers… I have one interview that has been pending since late September, I try not to let it affect my love for many Knockers but unfortunately it has. I wish you ladies all the best, but I have to cheer for the Pinups this game.

Second Bout:    Hellbombers Vs. The Cleveland Steamers

In this bout we have the Bombers and the Steamers, the two teams who competed in the finals to be number one. The Steamers lost some great Steam-mates in Primp Daddy and Damnasty. But the Bombers are down a major blocker with Slaughterama Mama. Slaughter is  a skater who knows her role, does her job exceptionally well. The Bombers have been known for their impenetrable defense, may this be the crack that breaks levee? Just remember Steamers your defense has to solid, Stroker and Bitter can score triple and quad grand-slams out of nowhere! Last year the Steamers struck me as one of the hardest working teams in the league, I hope that carries into this year. Their presence on the track is very strong; a close tight-nit family who are looking for one thing … Victory. The Bombers are blessed with some of the most raw natural talent, backed by some of the most disciplined skaters in the league. Their ability to communicate so well on the track contributes to their prowess. I probably talk to Bombers more than any other team (maybe some of you others need to come to the house once in awhile), so I know their drive, I feel their desire to win. Jammers are going to have their work cut out for them this bout, I predict this game to be a high scoring game so keeping a strong pace is going to be everything.

In the end it comes down to who can work together better as a team, you have to have faith in all the girls you step out on the track with. Rookies knowledge of the sport, and physical attributes are going to be key factors across the board. Knowing who is where at all times, keep your eye on the prize, plan a strategy and stick to your plan. I wish everyone the greatest of luck, I love you all, be safe, have fun, and lets show the people of Cleveland what Roller Derby is all about!

In true traditional form, Turn 2 has setup the Hazard Cup Poll just before the first bout. Let the flame wars begin!

Derby Name: Finnish-HER

Number: 96

Team(s): Hard Knockers and All-Stars

Position(s): For the Knockers usually jammer, but I’m afraid to jam for travel team. Destroya has made me jam a few times. The first time I found out I was going to jam for travel team I cried! I know, right?

How did you learn of the league?

I actually tried to join the league when they first started up in 2006. I sent an email and was told that I would receive an email back with all the info I needed to get started. I never got that email. I am kind of timid when it comes to certain things so I never emailed back. I wish I would have. A few years later, through a mutual friend, I met Candy Snatcher. She put me on the right path.

What have you been working to get better at?

Just to be a better skater overall, but if I had to focus on one thing, it would definitely have to be endurance!

How do you feel about Season 4 Hard Knockers?

I am very excited about our 2010 team! I think I speak for everyone when I say we are really sad to lose Cheddar! But on the flip side we got MILFback, and our new rookies are badass! I am so happy to be a part of this team! I love the Hard Knockers!

What has been your favorite bout so far?

For the Knockers it would have to be the last bout of 2009 vs. the Pin-Ups. If you recall the first time we played the Pin-Ups last year it was a close game. In the last jam, the Pin-Ups were ahead. I had a really good jam and was able to tie up the game for overtime. But as quickly as I was a hero, I cut the track and had to serve the first minute of overtime in the box costing us that game.  The second time we played the Pin-Ups it was the same scenario. Last jam, anyone’s game, me vs. the infamous Eva Lucien…again! It was déjà vu! I was so nervous! Luckily this time we were able to pull out a win! It’s a great feeling to be the last jammer in a game like that when your team wins! For All-Stars, regional’s! All of it!

How did it feel being ’09 Rookie of the Year and Hard Knocker MVP?

A MAZ ING!!! As a rookie, the skater I most admired and strived to skate like was Erin. To follow in her steps and win this award was a huge honor for me! And Hard Knocker MVP! This absolutely blew me away! I accused Monster of making people vote for me out of pity. I could not believe I won this! Also a HUGE honor! I never in a million years thought as a rookie, my team would consider me their MVP! ?

Do you have any advice to this year’s fresh meat? I’m not much at giving advice. I would like to say how proud of them I am. We all are. We have a great group of girls. I’m expecting great things from them.

Turn 2 focused much heckling toward you last season, any clue as to why?

I am glad you asked. NO! I don’t know why you heckled me so badly. Care to discuss?

It was fun because it gave me great pleasure to heckle you while I was speeding past you scoring points.

Now with our new “agreement” how do you feel not being heckled might affect your skating?

Oh I still anticipate you will heckle me. We’ll have to see how that goes. If not, instead of plugging my nose at you, I blow kisses.

Do you have a
philosophy that you live by? ummmm…. I love the song “My Philosophy” by Ben Folds Five. That’s about it. I’m not very philosophical. Is that bad?

Who would you thank most for your derby success? In general I would have to say Scarrie. She gave me a lot of tough love as a freshmeat. She really pushed me to give my all and it paid off. When it comes to jamming, Monster!  She taught me how to be a smart jammer. If you watch footage from our first bout last year, then our second, it’s like a different person! That was from Monsters help. Now is the part where everyone barfs a little but I’m going there anyway. Ian (Finnish-HIM) is a HUGE supporter! He makes me love this sport even more! Seeing how excited he gets and hearing his “wolf howls” from track side! It always pushes me to skate harder! He is amazing! ? I am soooooo lucky to have someone so enthusiastic about it. He loves this sport as much as I do. Widower of the Year!!!!! Woot Woot!

What has derby done for you as an individual? Before derby I was pretty much a hermit. I never went out and I had very few friends. Derby has had a huge impact on me and the person I am. Now I have a ton of friends, an extended family, two wives (Holly and Olive WOOT!), and I always have something to do. I must say it is a rare occasion for me to be bored anymore. I have made some really amazing life long friends!

For the fans who don’t know about the “Rip it” award, care to elaborate? Let’s just say I am a very gassy girl. I’ve been known to rattle a few rooms.

When you are not playing derby, what do you do for fun? I am a little bit of a game nerd. I LOVE playing The Legend of Zelda, and Silent Hill!

What do you feel will help propel the sport of Roller Derby? I think it needs to be revealed to people as the true sport that it is! So many people still have the idea that roller derby is just a gimmick rather than a sport. I have played a recognized “sport” before and I have to tell you, the athleticism, camaraderie, strategy and skill that goes into this sport is unlike any other I know. People who have never watched a modern competitive roller derby bout are missing out on an amazing thing!

Where do you see Roller Derby in 5 years? It’s hard to say. Hopefully it will continue to grow, and get the recognition and respect it deserves.